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Hello 2025

My 2025 has not started with a good start. Tapi tak apa lah, sebab I yang decided this. Masa tukar company, masa decide nak terima jawatan ni. Memang dari mula rasa tak best dah. Walhal masa tu gaji naik banyak, tapi entah kenapa rasa tak happy. Dari masa interview ada dapat vibes yang tak best, sampai lah terima offer letter dan sampai lah mula kerja ada rasa tak syiok tu.  Rupa-rupanya, my gut feeling was right. Allah tunjukkan banyak red flags, cuma I bertahan sebab red flags ni I cakap "maybe i was overthinking, maybe i yang tak bersyukur, maybe i yang fikir bukan2 sangat'. Tapi end up, betul. This place IS A RED FLAG. Banyak yang keluar (turnover), of course it is a red flag. Dan selepas probation, dan selepas konon-kononnya jadi Manager. I pun decided to keluar from this toxicity. Tapi apa yang I nak conclude ialah:- 1) Kalau boleh I nak journal everyday, supaya terjamin my mental health sebab kita dah lepaskan apa yang kita nak. 2) Never downgrade your value, kalau bos ...
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Recent posts

Be strong Faten

All my life, I have been struggling. Bila struggle tu, rasa macam I lah paling struggle. But of course I was wrong, lebih banyak, ribuan mungkin jutaan manusia/individu yang lebih struggle dari I. I know I am selfish, terasa seperti paling tersakiti, teruji. Walhal banyak lagi manusia yang lagi besar ujian from me.  I know. I know.  But I just don't know how to fight the demon in me. I can blame my childhood trauma, I can blame people, but blaming will never solve my problem. My question to myself is.. Okay Faten, what's next?  I am super duper thankful to Allah my husband is my support system. The biggest and strongest. He may not know how to pujuk ke, nasihat ke, manja kan i ke, lol. But he is super duper helpful when I fall into sadness and feel like not moving or want to do anything, he will definitely help me. TQ sayang. Moga syurga buat suami ku.  So semalam, I nak heal, i nak anak i pun keluar jalan-jalan so my husband bawa kami dekat tepi sawah. Yes, our pla...
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Kecewa

Berapa banyak kali dah anda rasa kecewa in this life? Kalau i, terlalu banyak kali. Sampai sekarang, sampai hari ni, sampai ke fasa ini, ini lah fasa yang terpaling I kecewa dan lowest I feel at the moment. Terlalu kecewa dengan dunia, terlalu sedih dah putus harap sampai I rasa lebih baik pergi dari terus hidup. Terlalu banyak perkara yang membuatkan I kecewa sehingga I rasa, enough. I am done with this life.I wanted it to end. Dan dunia dan zaman sekarang adalah yang paling lowest untuk semua orang I rasa (Not all tapi sebahagian besar). Pressure nowadays, datang dari setiap genap penjuru kehidupan. Terlalu banyak kesedihan, kemurungan dan kesusahan bukan je diri I yang rasa, tapi dekat most people I know too. Life is now is a hussle. Setiap hari macam medan peperangan bukan lagi untuk mengejar kesenangan atau kejayaan tapi zaman sekarang struggle adalah untuk terus hidup. Ramai yang depress, ramai yang terkapai2, dan ramai yang 'sakit' jiwanya. Life nowadays is so tough tha...
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The key to Happiness

A few weeks or maybe months before, I admit I was kinda lost especially in adjusting myself in the new world I have now. Which is... a mother's life.  Nak adjust jadi wife tu quite easy since me and husband quite easy to get along. Cuma bila dah ada anak tu I rasa my life turned 360 degrees kot rasanya. Lol. Dari seorang yang ambitious, kerja kuat, selalu out and about.. I kena jadi orang yang tak ada ambition (pada mulanya), duduk rumah 24/7, dan memang financially dependent dekat suami.    Wallahi rasa sangat tough pada awalnya. Tapi lepas lama2 i cuba cari balik positive vibes tu, alhamdulilah i found it! Thanks to AA yang banyak buat video positive walaupun I miss her so much since dah lama gila AA tak update vlog, ig or anything. Okay now back to the story.. Selepas journey to find back my "happiness", i rasa I dah berjaya reroute semula apa itu happiness dalam hidup i. Kalau dulu happiness i more to self centered dan kejayaan luaran, now benda² kecil tapi besar di m...
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Inshallah, i'm going to be better soon..

Truthfully, i REALLY miss sis Aida Azlin so so much. I stalked her ig and it hasn't been updated since last year. I went through her youtube channel and there are no new videos from her too. I miss her so so much. And because of Allah guided me and show me, that's why I've been given the chance to know an awesome positive person called AA.  Life has been rough for me. Throughout my life. I am used to hustle. Nothing comes easy for me but I always have my plans and dreams that I will worked hard to achieve. From Diploma to Degree, then Masters to PhD. I have everything well-planned ahead. But after i got married and now being a mother, I think its quite hard to adjust myself to this new life. Please take note that it's not that I am not happily married, I do. And I'm happy that I was chosen to be a mother. It's just that.. the path are totally different now.  If previously, it's more about ME. Now, i am making decisions based on my family. My husband and son....
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Me and early pregnancy

Tears are coming out of my eyes right now. And lately because of my pregnancy, I am actually in a state of depression. I spend most of my time sleeping during the day. I feel so weak, powerless and unmotivated ALL THE TIME. It's sad. I don't know what to do. I may appear okay, but when I am in my room, wallahi I am not okay. Luckily I have a great support system. My husband, my backbone, my strongest support system. My mother. Who always been there for me. Giving me all the advices, attention and helping me whenever I need. Wallahi i am super duper lucky. But why do I still feel sad? Lost, weak, useless? :'(  I have stopped doing my phd work. Because my morning sickness (or all the time sickness), is always been with me. Every time i eat, I will let it out lepas tu. I hate everything. I hate lecturers and academicians. For me they're only good at bringing people down. Sombong, ego. I know not all. But most of them. Tak ramai yang nak bagi good supportive criticism. Most...
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Duhai Anakku..

Dear Child.. my growing child in my womb. Mumy is so glad, ecstatic and bless to have you in my life sayang.. it is still early but I am so thankful syg. That Allah has given you to me and daddy..  My child.. honestly with everything that is happening in this world. Mumy jugak risau syg. Terlalu banyak bahaya dunia yang u akan lalui. Terlalu banyk cabaran yang kita akan hadapi bersama2 nanti. Mumy & Dady bukan lah orang yang senang syg.. mumy & dady bukan lah jugak orang yang bijak pandai dalam agama jgk syg. Tapi we have made our promises that we will always try to give our fully best to you syg ku.. Sebaik-baik penjaga ialah Allah sayang. Tuhan Kita. Hidup yang singkat ini hanya untuk Rabb kita. Pencipta kamu dan mumy, begitu juga Pencipta seluruh isi alam ini. Mumy dan dady selalu sangat menginginkan kamu syg. Dan alhamdulilah Allah makbulkan doa kami yang pendosa ini. Mumy janji pada kamu dan Tuhan yang menciptakan kamu di dalam rahim mumy syg.. mumy akan jaga kamu seba...
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