Skip to main content

Me and early pregnancy

Tears are coming out of my eyes right now. And lately because of my pregnancy, I am actually in a state of depression. I spend most of my time sleeping during the day. I feel so weak, powerless and unmotivated ALL THE TIME. It's sad. I don't know what to do. I may appear okay, but when I am in my room, wallahi I am not okay.

Luckily I have a great support system. My husband, my backbone, my strongest support system. My mother. Who always been there for me. Giving me all the advices, attention and helping me whenever I need. Wallahi i am super duper lucky. But why do I still feel sad? Lost, weak, useless? :'( 

I have stopped doing my phd work. Because my morning sickness (or all the time sickness), is always been with me. Every time i eat, I will let it out lepas tu. I hate everything. I hate lecturers and academicians. For me they're only good at bringing people down. Sombong, ego. I know not all. But most of them. Tak ramai yang nak bagi good supportive criticism. Mostly nak tunjuk kan diorng critical dan "pandai". By bringing other people down. That's why i hate doing phd and second time applying job dekat uni tu. My second iv. Buat i down for few days.. 

Sekarang my movement is really limited. There's a lot of things that I cannot do and I have to mintak tlg my husband. He is a kind responsible man so he always loves to help. The problem is i rasa diri i ni yang useless. Menyusahkan walaupun ramai lg orang lain kat luar sana wish to have a husband that is helpful as mine. No, it's not that I am being ungrateful. Cuma entahlah. I rasa i restricted bila semua benda i kena harapkan org lain especially him. 

I love my baby so much. I dengan my husband waited for a few months and it came at the right moment. Allah Maha Mengetahui. Just. I harap i mampu keluar dari hantu ni. Kesedihan, kemurungan dan segala energi negatif ni. 

I love my husband. My baby. My family. And I love God for always loving me and husband. I am just sad for I am a very bad servant to Him. I feel so weak and powerless. 

Allah. Tuhan ku yang Maha Baik, Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Mengasihani. Tolonglah hamba Mu yang lemah ini.. 

Amin ya rabb.

P/s : My kakak ipar post this status where we have to take sc during the video. And what we have captured tu, kita kena praktiskan. And i got this. Rasa nak menangis bila baca. This is what I really need right now. Assurance and confidence yang i boleh get thru this pregnancy well. 

I can do this. Faten Nurhidayah you got this. 



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My ways to cope with anxiety/overthinking/worry

So today, I am going to write the progression of my previous post, Regarding of my anxiety and twitching problem. Previously, that twitching problem is so severe that it happened like every 5 minutes. But Alhamdulillah,  It's getting better daily. Now I have only a slight twitching. And hopefully, I can fully be cured by this soon. For my anxiety, It will be sugar coating and lie if I say I no longer have it, But I think, it is under control. The ways that I did to control them will be listed as follows. Maybe I can help somebody out there if they also feel this kind of "pain" Acknowledge that you have anxiety. And accept it. (Acknowledgment and acceptance is a very important step in fixing your anxiety. Denying that you are not having them will make you feel stress without realizing it) Ask yourself these questions:- Are you stress? If yes, what makes you stress? Can you list them? Can you identify why those things make you stress? What can you do to remove the stress ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Be strong Faten

All my life, I have been struggling. Bila struggle tu, rasa macam I lah paling struggle. But of course I was wrong, lebih banyak, ribuan mungkin jutaan manusia/individu yang lebih struggle dari I. I know I am selfish, terasa seperti paling tersakiti, teruji. Walhal banyak lagi manusia yang lagi besar ujian from me.  I know. I know.  But I just don't know how to fight the demon in me. I can blame my childhood trauma, I can blame people, but blaming will never solve my problem. My question to myself is.. Okay Faten, what's next?  I am super duper thankful to Allah my husband is my support system. The biggest and strongest. He may not know how to pujuk ke, nasihat ke, manja kan i ke, lol. But he is super duper helpful when I fall into sadness and feel like not moving or want to do anything, he will definitely help me. TQ sayang. Moga syurga buat suami ku.  So semalam, I nak heal, i nak anak i pun keluar jalan-jalan so my husband bawa kami dekat tepi sawah. Yes, our pla...
Post a Comment
Read more

We went camping!

                                             Alhamdulilah, All praises to Allah. If not Him who allowed us, we would never make it there. So, me and my husband went on our FIRST ever camping trip!!! Poor us because we never get the chance to go camping when we were in our school days, But Alhamdulillah, finally we got to feel that experience. I don't know where to start, but let me talk in rojak for this entry, lol Plannya adalah actually kami akan pergi with my ex-students. However, due to certain circumstances (nak cerita panjang, hee), only two of us je pergi. We went to GIBS Ecotourism Resort, the name of the place. Not so far, only 40 to 45 minutes from our home. Before we went there, dah plan dan excited tiba2 musim hujan datang. Hujan yang sangat lebat dan kadang2 ongoing. So sebab kami nak pegi dekat tepi sungai, of course worry tu ada. Kerisauan...
Post a Comment
Read more