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Inshallah, i'm going to be better soon..

Truthfully, i REALLY miss sis Aida Azlin so so much. I stalked her ig and it hasn't been updated since last year. I went through her youtube channel and there are no new videos from her too. I miss her so so much. And because of Allah guided me and show me, that's why I've been given the chance to know an awesome positive person called AA. 

Life has been rough for me. Throughout my life. I am used to hustle. Nothing comes easy for me but I always have my plans and dreams that I will worked hard to achieve. From Diploma to Degree, then Masters to PhD. I have everything well-planned ahead. But after i got married and now being a mother, I think its quite hard to adjust myself to this new life. Please take note that it's not that I am not happily married, I do. And I'm happy that I was chosen to be a mother. It's just that.. the path are totally different now. 

If previously, it's more about ME. Now, i am making decisions based on my family. My husband and son. Because of this, i have quite a journey to lift myself up again. Struggle habis. I will wake up aimless and lifeless as I have no idea what to do and the future seems all blurry. And for me.. being lost is a challenge given by Allah. 

Previously when I sad or when I need a motivation, I will listen to Aida. Because there's no new videos from her, I listened to the old video of her with a title "To you who's hurting". And alhamdulilah, all praises to Allah. Aida's words from the video really hit hard and inshallah, I am now healing. We are actually counting days to move into a new place. That scares me, and stressing me out for days. Because adjusting is what I hate and i am quite tired to do that because i have been doing that so many times in my life. 

But.. it's okay. Allah knows His servant's limits. And He constantly put test for the people He love. He wanted us to be closer to Him. Financially, we are struggling too. Husband has lost a place that he used to open his stall. And his new business eventhough its near to our new place, but it's not really "enough". Not that i am not thankful, but I just don't want us to be too comfortable. 

I am done letting go of my feelings for now. May Allah guide us, and show us way out. 

Amin ya rabb.

Love, FN

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