As I am writing this entry, I am actually now in the highest by far that I have been I think? lol. I am actually staying almost 2 days and 1 night at Saba Suites at Vortex near KLCC and KL tower. I should say, I had a wonderful stay Alhamdulilah.
It wasn't planned at all but because I felt like I am physically and mentally tired, thus, I decided to just stay here. I was following my husband to work for 5 days straight and it's from 9.00am to 9.00pm every day. Because of that, my energy ran out. And not to mention we ride his bike every day. I love to ride on a motorcycle but for 5 days straight and quite a long journey (Elmina to KL), I must say, it's really tiring and I am thankful that my husband can endure that!
So right now as I am doing my work, I am listening to AA (Aida Azlin)' s podcast. As usual, her discussion and content always hit me hard. Previously, when I listen to AA, I was single. I always wish for a husband as supportive as Aida's. And after a few years passed, here I am listening to her again but with a change of status. Married.
Listening to the podcast, the guest of the show mentioning about how supportive her husband was. They even being blessed with a daughter but without one arm but still, the husband is still super duper supportive. Besides, the guest is actually an entrepreneur and a public figure so only God knows how hard it is to be all that. But her husband is still very supportive. NOT UNDERSTANDING but supportive. I mean how can it be like that right? A good husband must be someone who understands and support. Well, that is quite not right, lol. After I am married, I have an awesome husband who at times may and may not understand me, but he is super duper supportive and thus, I feel happy!
To get that blessing is not easy. And because of two failures relationship. And how patient I am, how to persevere I am asking for a good husband. I have him now. And I feel so blessed that I don't even know how to thank Allah as this blessing is so big. Even though yes, we are still in the early phase or what we call the "honeymoon phase". But I still prayed, we actually prayed that we can have this forever.
A favor that I am mentioning above is actually, the concern, the kindness, the attention that Allah has given to me. I am a sinner. A big one. I admit. But He still listens to me and even grants my every precise dua'. I still remember I was single a few years back. And I am still lost and still stuck with my ex in an on and off a relationship and I was getting so tired and drained with what I felt endless relationship. Thus, Alhamdulillah thanks to Allah, I managed to go to Mekah to perform umrah and as I was staying there, one of my strong and sincere dua is to have a good spouse.
People around me makes me doubt about getting married. But I made prayers to Allah that I wish I can find a guy who is really rare. I even listed the traits that I want, his physical appearance, and his personality, and yes... Alhamdulilah I have it all now. And actually, after I came back from umrah, my husband did came to me. But I was blinded at that time as I thought it was not him, i was mistaken! My mother during our Mekah/Umrah journey she told me
"Dah mintak doa ni nanti jodoh dah datang kena terima, jangan tolak lagi".
I nodded as previously I admit some of the guys who came to me were nice, but the confidence is not there. Or maybe I should call it a 'click'? So soon after I landed in Malaysia, my husband did text me. And asked to see me, like... "Let's hang out". But I don't found him as my 'The One' just yet because in my mind at that time. Oh dear, I am too old already to hang out with multiple guys at one time and I need and I only wanted to go out with a guy for the purpose of getting married. I thought he just wanted to see me as friends and hang out so I brushed him off as my intention after I got back from umrah is to only focus on one guy at a time.
So at that time, I thought the answer to my prayer is actually my friend (now he no longer wanted to talk to me, lol), asked me to marry him. So I thought he is the answer to my prayer. But if yes, why do I feel doubt, not happy, and so on? So at the end of the day, it is not him. It's actually my husband but I was failed to see it at that time. But maybe if I do hang out with him, probably we would be married for almost 5 years now? Maybe? lol. But Allah has his perfect planning for me and him. And we always talked about how the timing is perfect even though for some people, it's a bit late to get married at the age of 29 years old.
But having him in my life. I feel better for God. Closer to God. I feel like Allah is taking care of me through him. He completes my incompleteness and he backs up my flaws. And I feel like crying and I don't know how to express how grateful I am to Allah. I vow to try to be better every day because of Allah's kindness, Allah's blessings are too much for me. Too much that sometimes I feel like I don't deserve this.
And yes, not just the blessing in terms of husband. But other things as well. Just my focus here is husband because my journey in finding true love has passed over 10 years already. Because my parents were divorced, I always pray to Allah as young as 13 years old to not have that happen to me. Amin hopefully. Growing up in a separated family, I do appreciate my current relationship now. Please pray for us ya? And I pray for you guys too. If you are still searching for the one, you will found him/her one day. If you already found the one but having a bit of a rough journey, I pray that Allah provides you Hidayah, shows you the path, and helps both of you. People can change inshallah.
That is all for now.
Love, FNMIH.
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